The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov. displaying
public service symbols for terrorism readiness, in the tradition of the old “duck and
cover” campaigns after WWII.
![]() If you have set yourself on fire, do not run |
![]() If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are bald, yell really loud. |
![]() If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder |
![]() If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor. |
![]() Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you! |
![]() The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one armless hand. |
![]() Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the f*** away. |
![]() Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it. |
![]() Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically. |
![]() If a door is closed, karate chop it open. |
![]() If your building collapses, cower under a desk and kiss your ass goodbye. |
![]() Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile |
![]() After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head. |
![]() If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit. |
![]() If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, it is a psychological terror attack. Cower in the corner or run like hell. |
![]() If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop. |
![]() Austin is radioactive, move to Houston |
![]() If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting. |
![]() If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it. |
![]() Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood. |
![]() A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. Always carry one! |
Thats hilarious, I'm plagiarizing the shit out of that….!