Stephen Colbert's at the White House Correspondents Dinner

Full transcript here Torrent here

Some of my favourite quotes.

Wow. Wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents' dinner. Toactually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, tobe this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me.You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper — that may not be enough.Somebody shoot me in the face.

By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else attheir tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers.Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.

I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying [the president] has a 32%approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls.We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflectwhat people are thinking in “reality.” And reality has a well-knownliberal bias.

As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalledto be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, withthe exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of everystory:  the president's side, and the vice president's side.

So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, “Oh, they'rejust rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.” First of all, that isa terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. Thisadministration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!

See who we've got here tonight. General Moseley, Air Force Chief ofStaff. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Theystill support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right?Right, they still support Rumsfeld.

And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new presssecretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name, “Snow Job.” Toughest job.What a hero. Took the second toughest job in government, next to, ofcourse, the ambassador to Iraq.

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